Then the LORD God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.” Now out of the ground the LORD God had formed every beast of the field and every bird of the heavens and brought them to the man to see what he would call them. And whatever the man called every living creature, that was its name. The man gave names to all livestock and to the birds of the heavens and to every beast of the field. But for Adam there was not found a helper fit for him. So the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh. And the rib that the LORD God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man. Then the man said,“This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.” Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed. –Genesis 2:18-25

Marriage today is unpopular. The Pew Research Center just reported that barely half of the adults in the US are married, a record low down from 72% in 1972. New marriages declined by 5% from 2009-10, and if rates continue in just a few years married people will be a minority. Not only are people getting married less, but young people especially, just 20% of those 18 to 29 years old versus 79% in 1960, are not doing so. There are lots of factors causing this, but with divorce rates flat, today it can be simply stated less people want to get married. Why is this? Some have said that marriage is a dead institution, or only a living institution so long as we redefine it. But marriage is not a man-made artifact. It’s not a club like Rotary Club that we made up, although we certainly can make stuff up and call it marriage.

As we see in Genesis 2, marriage is there in the beginning, and for every man and woman entering into it since, it is a drastic beginning. To get what I mean you can’t think of the beginning of a math test (unless you really like math) or beginning in the back of the line at the DMV. This beginning is more like the click-click-click as the roller coaster climbs its first hill, or the crack of a gun that starts a body-breaking race. It is filled with anticipation and excitement. It cost a lot to just get here, and the real event is just getting started.

Beginnings are scary. Before sin entered the world, God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and while he slept he took one of his ribs and made a woman. Though no sin was in the world, it was not good for man to be alone; he had to begin again, to mature, to find help and completion. And this meant he would have to sacrifice, to give of himself for the sake of another. This is the first death and resurrection scene in the Bible. Adam’s deep sleep is a picture of death, and his awakening to the glory of Eve, of resurrection. But it cost him–a rib and a lot more. And so this beginning is costing both of you as well. Perhaps marriages fail so often because we don’t count the cost, we don’t embrace the sacrifices, the deaths small and large, of these beginnings. And without death there is no resurrection.

So consider this beginning, consider the cost. This is the beginning of a new name and a new family. Natalie, you are going from being a Lewis to a Weber, as the Psalm says, taking your husband’s name. But you, too, Elliot, are changing your name, leaving your father and mother and holding fast to your wife. Where there was a Weber, there are now Webers. The royal we is now in plural effect. A man and a woman from two families make a covenant together before God, the word is spoken, and a new family, a new household, is born. The majority of your lives have been spent with your parents, but now your name is shared with one another. You receive the names husband and wife, and you are irrevocably defined by your relationship to one another. The way you live, the way you speak, the way you work, everything you do now reflects not just on your own name, but on the name of your spouse. Everything changes from this day forward as you do not have just yourself to consider, but the other person. The oath you take to one another changes your name, it changes your status from single to married, to husband and wife, but it’s up to you to live that oath, to love and respect, to put first and honor your spouse. Elliot, you can’t live as you did as a single man. Your freedoms have changed. Someone needs to know where you are, and where you are going. Someone wants to make a home for you and with you. Someone needs your support as you need hers. You are called to love her as Christ loved the church, who even gave up his life for her sake. So you are called to humbly lead and nourish her. And Natalie your life changes as well. You are oriented to help and support your husband, called to respect and follow him. And both of you don’t just have one another, but one another’s families to love. May your in-laws never become out-laws! You have more siblings and grandparents, cousins and nieces and nephews, and Lord-willing, children and grandchildren. Your old situations have changed and so have your freedoms.

But with every beginning God has called us to, every death of something old, there is a wonderful resurrection to follow. Adam woke with a sore side and a beautiful bride, and what could follow but the first poem in the history of the world? Adam praised her, “This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.” Adam went from being in a not-good situation, to a very-good situation. And so have you. The names and families you come from are wonderful, and yet we’re here to celebrate your new one. Your old life and freedoms have died and been transformed, and you now have more opportunities to love, more opportunities to give, and more opportunities to receive. Resurrection beginnings are never a zero-sum game. This is true for families also, and cliches are cliche because they are true. A daughter is not being lost but a son gained, and a son is not being lost but a daughter gained.

Jesus would say this: “Whoever wishes to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it” (Matt. 16:25). He said “unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit” (Jn. 12:24). Jesus is not telling us to do something that he himself is unwilling to do. Even in the garden, God created Adam to imitate the sacrificial, self-giving love of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit as they have abounded in love and fellowship from all eternity. This is the way God is. God the Son set aside his own comfort and privileges, took on flesh, became a baby, and dwelt among us. He lived the life we should have lived, without sin, and he died in our place, making atonement for our sins. While we were yet sinners, Christ died for the ungodly. From his side flowed blood and water, salvation and atonement for the church. He suffered the sleep of death, and God raised him up to new life, the firstfruits and promise of the resurrection to come. This is the new beginning, the resurrection and the life that you have embraced by grace through faith, the one that your marriage will reflect as you love one another in Christ.

Elliot, God has gifted you with a quick mind, with desires to go places and accomplish things, and a heart to serve others. Because of this you will not be tempted to sit around and waste time. Your hands will always be busy. Remember that as a husband, you are also a husbandman, and your wife is your garden and crown, your first earthly priority. Don’t be like Adam who refused to stand with and protect his wife, and ended up blaming her for their troubles. As you honor and bless her, you will be blessed. Her fruitfulness and abundance will be yours, just as all of yours will be hers. Your marriage is a picture of Christ and the church, of the gospel. As the head of your wife, love her that way, exercising your God-given gifts and authority by laying your life down for her.

Natalie, you have been given a sure faith in God, and a father and mother who have shown you what that sort of faith looks like lived out in marriage. Certainly many women avoid this beginning because they fear being yoked to a man, but you have chosen well. Elliot is called to initiate and lead you, which by God’s grace he will, and you are called to respond and follow. Adam could begin his work alone, but he needed Eve to complete, finish, glorify it. Women are finishers and make civilization possible. Sarah became a mother of nations as she honored the Lord and Abraham, and the excellent wife of Proverbs 31 is known by the merchants and the needy. Her children bless her and her husband praises her. Know that your opportunity in this is enormous. Respect Elliot and build him up and you will find yourself more cherished and fruitful than you thought possible.

Though beginnings are scary, they are also filled with joy and adventure. This wonderful celebration is a fitting way to kick yours off. Elliot and Natalie, you know to some extent what you are getting into and you’ve been faithful. Continue this and from here it only gets better as your love grows deeper and your experience richer. May this be the first of countless beginnings, your love and gratitude to God and one another increasing over decades and decades.

In the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, Amen.